I fucking love Star Wars. I don't
mean a specific movie. I mean the whole concept of Star Wars. The
myths, the lore, the stories, I love everything about it. I talk
about it in my classes, I wear t-shirts, I talk about it with friends
and family, I read about it in articles, blogposts, play videogames
about it, watch videos on it etc.
I am a full blown Star Wars
nerd/geek/fan/call it what you like. I am also a grown ass man with a
family whose life won't change because of a bad movie.
I wasn't born when episode IV (I can
never call it a New Hope) was released and I was in diapers when the
Empire Strikes back was released. But I do remember Return of the
Jedi very well. I was collecting stickers with scenes from the movie
found in bubblegum. I remember a scene where me and my cousin
Alexandros were looking at some stickers from the scenes in Jabba's
barge – not to mention that I had a toy Yoda that ended up
(probably) in the foundations of our house in Athens as it was
probably lost in some sand piles we had that were used for cement. Ah
the 80's with amazing health and safety regulations everywhere. All
of the three movies have been watched over and over and over again on
videotapes – with my favourite being Empire followed by Star Wars
and then Return of the Jedi.
When I was a bit older the
announcement of the prequel trilogy was made and I was head over
heels for that. With the internet being super slow I remember waiting
for hours with my friend Christos for the first trailer of the
phantom menace to be downloaded. Watching it over and over again gave
me goosebumps. Then the movie came along and it was...good. There
were parts we liked and parts we didn't, but still it served a
purpose.
I watched attack of the clones in
Thessaloniki with my friend Kostas. It was...good. There were parts
we liked and parts we didn't, but still it served a purpose (deja-vu
much?).
Revenge of the Sith..again
Thessaloniki, again with Kostas and Giorgos. This was very good. It
was a nice conclusion and come on...Darth Vader on screen again? Yes
we did have that horrible “Noooo”, but honestly..that first
second when you have silence and you hear the breath again. That
breath. That sound effect. Worth the price of admission alone.
And then there was silence (as my
beloved blind guardian say). For quite a few years until the Star
Wars licence was bought by Disney. I was super stoked with the
announcement of a new trilogy and an list of movies about the
expanded universe. I couldn't wait to see the the whole world I grew
up with get new stories – even if that mean invalidating some older
news aka the new cannon vs the legends (not going to go into more
detail here, not the object of this).
When the Force Awakens came along I
lived through one of my greatest cinematic experiences of all time. I
still remember the feeling of the opening crawl – that tingly
sensation stays with me forever. The movie was very good- excellent
visuals, a star wars story, a rehash of many old things, some good
introductions, all in all I loved it. I place it above the prequels,
slightly above revenge of the Sith and close to the original trilogy.
After all I grew up with the originals, I have some bias towards
them. But I was super happy with the Force awakens and couldn't wait
for the rest.
Rogue one managed to make episode IV
even better. Rogue one despite the forgettable characters and meh
plot was a very good war movie set in the Star Wars universe. Rogue
one showed us once again why Darth Vader is one of the greatest
villains of all time. That scene...that corridor scene at the
end...holy fuck..
And then came the Last Jedi...Oh
boy..Then came the Last Jedi that tried to change stuff. Then came
the movie that said a big fuck you to the lore, a big fuck you to the
Force awakens. Is that bad? So so.. The movie has some great moments.
The visuals are out of this world. Hands down the best cinematography
of ANY Star Wars movie. Every scene is expertly shot. The atmosphere,
the lighting, the shots..It's cinematic bliss. BUT....it's not Star
Wars. It's something else, something different.
(Solo, not going to spend time on this
at all. Was ok. We didn't need to see it. It's an ok heist movie.
Forgettable and popcorn fun)
The Rise of Skywalker isn't a movie.
The Rise of Skywalker is an even bigger fuck you to the Last Jedi and
tries to undo it. The problem is that in this attempt it forgets to
be a movie on it's own. It's cobbling together some scenes with
excellent visuals but forgets the glue that holds a movie together.
Instead of trying to undo everything the Last Jedi did, it would have
been to have been a movie to start with?
So...here is my wee fanboy version of
the last Jedi and the Rise of Skywalker aka how they can work
together and bring this saga to a very fulfilling conclusion. I am
not a writer and I won't pretend to have even the slightest amount of
the talent that each of the writers of these movies have. I am just
giving you my version- the one I dream of, the one I would have loved
to see. Not even a version – random thoughts of things I would
change.
The Last Jedi: Luke doesn't throw the
lightsaber away...ffs... That ridiculous scene spits in the face of
what Luke was and represented. The endless optimist that saw good in
Darth Vader. And we do see his reaction about Han Solo... He does
train Rey. And by the way he never tried to kill Kylo. Because he's
Luke Skywalker, the most optimistic person in the universe.
Admiral Ackbar doesn't die that spit
in the face death. Instead we speaks with Holdo about performing an
impossible manoeuvre – where we also learn that Holdo was trained
under him. Ackbar sacrifices himself to do this and Holdo stays
behind to lead the rest of the troops. There you go, Holdo gets a
backstory and Ackbar gets the send of he deserves.
Snoke overpowers Rey with ease and
mind wipes her, turning her to the dark side -bad ass Sith.
On the planet Holdo leads the scouts
and sacrifices herself by destroying the cannon with her speeder.
There you go, actual meaningful sacrifice and no undeserved kiss
between Finn and Rose – by the way, Canto Bight NEVER happens.
On the planet surface you now have
Kylo Ren and Dark Rey leading the charge. And of'course you have Luke
– in the flesh. Lightsaber fight in which Luke hands Rey's ass to
her – he is Luke fucking Skywalker- and while fighting Kylo he
constantly talks to him. They stop fighting. Luke hugs him. Kylo
breaks down into tears – completely turned. Rey tries to kill Kylo
(she's full dark side, remember?) and Luke willingly steps in and
dies. Kylo goes on the falcon etc (substitute Rey with him)
The rise of Skywalker: Rey's and
Kylo's roles are reversed in this movie. No emperor (sorry Ian
McDiarmid I love you but the Emperor being alive cheapens Darth
Vader's sacrifice and arc), and in his place you have Snoke.
No force healing – in the death
star scene Rey stabs Kylo and he's badly wounded, and then Ghost Luke
appears and talks to Rey. Rey's parents appear as force ghosts, Rey
breaks down, cries her ass off, Snoke's mind wipe is no more. Rey
willingly goes with a badly wounded Kylo to the rest of the gang.
She's welcomed by everyone and she goes after Snoke while the gang
goes after the star destroyers.
Snoke and Rey fight it off. Rey gets
overpowered but before she's ready to submit the force ghosts of
Anakin, Mace Windu, Qui Gon, Ashoka Tano, Ben Kenobi, Yoda, Luke etc
appear next to her. They TOGETHER destroy Snoke. Kylo arrives after
fighting the star destroyers limping (he was badly wounded,
remember?)They hug – they do NOT KISS BECAUSE IT WASN'T DESERVED!!!
Rey falls to her knees from the monumental effort, passes away and
becomes a force ghost.
Kylo buries the two lightsabers in
Tattoine. He is limping using Rey's staff to help him get along. He
is the last Skywalker.
There you go. Strong female
characters? Check. Sacrifices? Check. Darth Vader is still a super
bad ass? Check. Redemption? Check. Oh well... Still going to rewatch
everything a gazillion times though :)
